Note: This was first published on the Concord Discussion List. It was preceded by a rash of flaming posts going both ways between residents and elected officials. Personal attacks, unbridled anger and wounding accusations were used in an escalating war of words. The very first time I ever gave much thought to mediation was about a dozen years ago. And it happened right here in Concord - at the High School, in fact. The occasion was a dinner hosted by the Greeley Foundation and President Jimmy Carter was the speaker. Perhaps you were there, too.

I was deeply moved by what I heard that day, and it has been with me ever since. Though it took me years to realize it, what he said changed me greatly, and I see it reflected in my professional therapeutic work, my personal relationships, and even how I talk to and deal with myself.

I think not long before his talk the Carter Center had been founded. And he was talking about how he did international mediation. He used a term I had never heard before, but have heard many times in the intervening years: "peaceful resolution of conflict." And it was how he explained it that really has been on my mind. Of course, over the years I have undoubtedly attached my own meaning and interpretation and I apologize if I represent something as coming from Pres. Carter when it has come from me due to my ruminations.

The assumption was that negotiations could and would go on peacefully, respectfully, with an end goal that everyone would get something they wanted and needed. It was a recognition that each side had to give some to make an agreement which would LAST. And to last, an agreement had to be mutually acceptable. It did not represent another way to fight to the death.

It was important that the mediation was begun and was centered on one thing: the areas where the parties agreed. This enriched commonality was the basis and cornerstone of any peace agreement. In the process, greater understanding was fostered, and each side became more human to the other, and in turn acted more humanely.

This didn't mean anyone got everything they wanted all the time. It didn't mean there weren't high feelings, lost tempers, hurt given and received on both sides, or that people agreed about everything in the end. But that what was important to each side was respected and efforts were made to find a way for these really vital things to co-exist.

I take it on faith there is ALWAYS another set of options, even if we cannot imagine what they could be at this time. A feeling in my bones tells me there are other, more productive ways...and since I believe peace has to always begin with me (as it does for each of us), then I commit myself to the search.

I can't offer any answers here about what to do and how to do it. That is something that needs to come about from many of us working together. How can we get there?