By Mimi Doe, a Concord resident and co-founder of Pink Bubble Productions. We have offered Mimi's column on spiritual parenting about every other month. Send your questions to her here (sorry, she may not be able to answer all questions and personal replies will not be possible).
Question:
My daughter is 16 and she has her first boyfriend who is 18. I don't like him because of his reputation as a liar and cheater. I have told her she can't see him and I think that she is too young to know what love is. She doesn't listen. Could you please give some advice.
Mimi's Answer:
How many times have you heard people say, "The teenage years are sheer hell. Just wait until your child is a teen. It's awful." Pretty soon we start to believe this misconception about a stage of life. We begin to believe that when our children are teens it will be a difficult time. What if we shift our thinking? What if instead of believing and therefore creating a situation of doom we rephrase the popular mantra. What if we say, "My beautiful teenager is full of light, hope, energy, joy and I accept her for all she is. We have a beautiful relationship."
Begin now reformatting your beliefs about your daughter. Begin with the affirmation "I let go and let God guide her to her good." This doesn't mean you give her the keys to the car and turn your back -- but rather release the struggle of the current situation.
I'd like you to spend time each day visualizing how you would like your daughter's life to look. Create the picture as clearly as you can. Really take some time and fill in all the details. How does it appear? If you'd like you could do this with her. One evening sit together and gather all kinds of magazines on the kitchen table. Find some scissors, glue and poster board. Cut out pictures of how you each would like your life to look and create your own "image board." Maybe divide the boards up into sections for different aspects of your life. She might oppose it at first but most kids can't resist the fun of this project. Hang your completed boards in a place you might see them each day. Don't forget to cut out words to describe yourselves. DYNAMIC, HAPPY, PEACEFUL.....
As for the young man you are feeling such fear about. See if you can't bless him in your mind and let him go. Loose him and let him go. Affirm that he goes on to his highest and his best and the divine situation occurs for both these young people. The more you focus on his problems and see him as a danger in your daughter's life you create that as reality.
I know it's difficult in this situation but try not to tell your daughter how she feels. No one knows exactly how we are feeling and she certainly thinks she is feeling love. It feels like you are "against" her, perhaps, when you deny her emotion.
Make one on one times with your daughter each week even if you have to schedule them in your calendar. Nothing is more important than communication between you. Drop your guard and try to come from a deep, wise, loving place in your heart when you speak. Be honest with her when you explain why you worry about her boyfriend. Don't throw out judgments but rather speak from an "I" place.
Pray. Pray for guidance, inspiration, light and protection. Ask your daughter's guardian angel to step into the situation. Affirm Divine Order in your child's life. Visualize the light of God surrounding your daughter each morning as she leaves for the day. Perfect luminous pink light encasing her and holding her in love.
Don't forget your own soul during this difficult time. Nurture yourself with long walks, hot baths, inspirational books. Concoct healthy meals and ask your daughter to join you with candle light and out loud prayer.
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Attention Concord Teens and Adults
There's not a lot of places for teens to gather on the weekends in Concord --
except of course the sidewalk in front of Brighams. Write us and let us know
what your teens do to create community with their friends. If you are a teen,
what would you like to see created in Concord just for people your age? |
Mimi Doe, M.Ed., a graduate of Harvard School of Education, is the author of 10 Principles For Spiritual Parenting - Nurturing Your Child's Soul (Harper- Collins, 1998) and co-author of Drawing Angels Near - Children Tell of Angels in Words and Pictures (Pocket Books, 1995). Her workshops have changed the way hundreds of parents interact with the children in their lives. Excerpts from 10 Principles were in the July issue of Ladies Home Journal.
Background from a quilt by Set City.
